The Mycelium of Connection

“Connection is why we’re here. It’s what gives purpose and meaning to our lives.” 

- Brene Brown 

Shells, an ID booklet, and so much more….

I continually examine how preschoolers’ interactions with residents at Inver Glen and Lexington Pointe benefit us all. It goes beyond having fun in each other’s presence. Yes, we sing, do plays, draw, read, color, and build together, but that is not all. I think there is another level of interaction going on. The activity is not the point. It is the vehicle for the truer, quieter, and yet more powerful feeling of connection. I often think of Maya Angelou’s famous quote: 

 "I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel." 

Our goal at All Seasons is to create opportunities for genuine connections with our residents. In this place where memories are cherished, but also in many cases are fading, it’s the feeling that we imbue a moment with that matters most. I think of connection like that vast, complex fungal network that trees and plants rely on: the mycelium. In the Inver Glen/All Seasons ecosystem, social interaction and the connection that is created within it is how our preschoolers grow, and how our residents get doses of vitality, joy, comfort; goodness. Interpersonal connections are important to healthy aging and slowing cognitive decline. Of course our time with the residents is fun, but it is also important. 

A rich greeting

Our time with seniors always starts with a point of connection: an intentional and individual greeting, with voice, eye contact and often touch. Recently, a friend sat with me in the community room while her daughter performed for Inver Glen and All Seasons. She was so impacted by the way the preschoolers greeted each and every one of the residents in attendance that she couldn’t stop talking about it! How special it felt to be approached that way, and how good it must feel to the seniors; how important it is for them to be truly seen in a room and treated like individuals. In a similar way, the proximity we share with seniors during our table activities is important. The teachers place children between residents with the intention of creating opportunities for the connections that physical closeness can bring. It is where children feel attended to, and residents as well. Additionally, and most importantly, sometimes nearness is the connection. A. A. Milne conveyed this when Piglet and Pooh had this brief exchange in the Hundred Acre Wood: 

“Piglet sidled up to Pooh from behind. 

"Pooh!" he whispered.

"Yes, Piglet?"

"Nothing," said Piglet, taking Pooh's paw. "I just wanted to be sure of you.”

A joyful Elmo, catching the eye and holding the gaze of a gramma.

To me, this is an example of the “underground” network of connection, the mycelium. Just sharing space with someone can somehow be enough to feel peace, comfort, or contentment. Our communication of acknowledgement, appreciation, and care travels as easily - sometimes more easily - through a shared smile as through a shared conversation. I’ve witnessed how the intent gaze from a preschooler can pull a person who was tucked away in their own world back into the very room they were sitting in. What a moment, to see someone “come back.” 

This is also something I’ve seen happening through gentle, caring touch. The truth is that many of our residents only experience the touch of another hand when they receive routine physical care. Please consider for a moment what it would be like to know affection, and then have it fade away, leaving you with only echoes of an embrace, the feeling of a held hand, or a head leaning on your arm. Positive, welcome touch is powerful. When my own grandmother was in memory care, and words no longer served her well, we would inevitably end up holding hands for nearly the entire visit. For some people, touch is its own language, and they express themselves with it as easily as they breathe. But for others, young and old alike, it is something to grow into, built on trust and empathy. The power of the experiences we have with the residents of Inver Glen is not in the games we play, the towers we build, or the drawings we create together, but in the giggles, the smiles, the high fives, handshakes, and long looks. It is in the unspoken and immeasurable exchange of emotion. 

A shared laugh is connection and connection is everything.

“I smiled, and he smiled, and something really human happened between us, for the first time.”

― James Baldwin, If Beale Street Could Talk