The Power Of Intergenerational Understanding
This past fall, my mother received an Alzheimer’s diagnosis. I knew it was coming, and truthfully, I facilitated its arrival. As the seasons transitioned from fall to winter, my mother gradually handed over pieces of her life to my management: bills, driving, medications. By Christmas, she had moved in with us. In addition to my husband and me, she is kept company by her grandchildren, our dog, and her beloved dog as well. She has two amazing friends who keep her busy with “two-person cooking club Tuesday” and “Thursday lunch bunch.”
We are fortunate that, for now, the silver linings outshine the dark cloud that is Alzheimer’s in our lives. Laughter and smiles that were once restricted by worry come more easily for her. The gleaming jewels in her life are her grandchildren. The children, without me naming what is happening beyond “getting older,” understand who their grandmother is in this moment. As I write this, my mother will be with my daughter and her paternal grandfather for an intergenerational activity in her second-grade classroom.
As we recently reviewed the plan for the intergenerational school project, I was struck by my daughter’s line of questioning and forethought: “I think we might be in the gym. Do we need to get chairs? The grandparents can’t sit on the floor. Are they going to be okay? Where will Grandpa Gary put his cane? And what about Gramma Jean?” There is a pause there, a complicated silence that I need to address. I talked to my daughter about how my mother, even in better times, was quite shy and uncomfortable in large group settings with people she didn’t know. I explained that she might feel that way at the event. And in a moment that I fully credit to All Seasons, she replied, “How can I help? How can I help her feel okay? Is there something I can do?”
It dawned on me that because of All Seasons, my children possess a kind of "literacy" (knowledge and competence) about aging. It allows them to navigate sharing a home with someone of an older generation with appropriate accommodations, expectations, and vocabulary. They know that their grandmother is much more likely to snuggle up with them and a book than to participate in playing a video game. They are not put off when she declines an invitation to go for a walk or to play, understanding that sometimes she just isn’t interested. They know that lots of big body energy can be stressful, and they need to calm their bodies, if at all possible. (And yes, sometimes that seems impossible!)
Through all the handshakes with eye contact, the sing-alongs, the balloon ball, acting out plays, listening to classroom readers, visiting apartments, and sidling up next to someone in memory care with a beloved book or toy, my children learned that elders in their community are valuable and worthy of attention and care. All Seasons instilled in my children a framework for considering the aging of their own beloved grandparents. All Seasons gave them knowledge, familiarity, words, and a deep value for elders that allows them to connect with their own dear family members as well as people they meet in the community.
In witnessing my children’s empathy and understanding, I am reminded that the seeds planted by All Seasons have blossomed into a genuine respect and compassion for elders - qualities that will serve them, and those around them, for a lifetime. Even as we navigate the uncertainties of Alzheimer’s, I am grateful that my children approach each day with open hearts and a willingness to help, making our family’s journey one of connection, resilience, and hope.
