It’s Never Too Early!

Matching paint swatches to skin tones in the art studio

As parents I’m sure we’ve all wondered, “When is the right time to talk to my child about X?” or “Is it too early for Z?” I can almost guarantee that the answer is, it is never too early!

I’ve certainly been perplexed with the questions that my two-year-old has posed in the short time that she has been a walking and talking human! It is humbling to be stopped in your tracks and not know how to respond. Whether your child wants to know how babies come out or why the person at the store has a different skin color than their own, it can be tricky to come up with the “right” answer on the spot. However, these are all normal questions, and we should expect the unexpected. What’s even better is to talk with your children about differences (for example) before questions come up!

Everyone has their own unique approach to parenting and not everyone is going to respond in the same way. However, from a developmental perspective, it is best to lean on being factual and validating your child as a capable learner. Research shows that children notice differences and distinguish faces by skin color early in infancy, and that they form biases by the time they are four or five. This is just one reason it is never too early to initiate these conversations with your children!

It's important not to shy away from the child’s questions or comments, even when they feel uncomfortable. We don’t want children to feel embarrassed or ashamed. If we react negatively, we may be inadvertently teaching them that differences are scary, or that it is not okay to wonder about things.

Another thing to keep in mind is that we don’t have to have all the answers! It is okay to say, “I don’t have an answer for that right now. Let me dig deeper and think about how to respond.” This is incredibly powerful for young minds who are looking to us for guidance. They should know that even grown-ups have things to learn. It validates for them that there are no wrong questions - we just might not know the answer yet.

The same goes for expectations. It is never too early to have expectations of our children and to hold them accountable. As one of the toddler room teachers, I have come to learn how incredibly capable even our youngest learners are. They are capable of being independent, of having deep conversations, and rising to a challenge. This may look quite different than how we handle things with our older preschoolers, but it doesn’t mean that we throw expectations out the window or give them all the answers right away.

If we don’t provide children with the opportunity to face challenges and expectations, we are not allowing them to reach their full potential. Of course, their full potential as a two- to three-year-old is not the same as when they are four or five. Expectations grow and change as the child grows.

In the same ways that we respond to inquisitive children, let’s not shy away from the opportunity to allow children to try something on their own - “I’d like you to try putting on your boots today.” - and affirming them with words like, “You are capable! I’ve seen you do hard things!” They will likely not learn something in one go, but you may be surprised how quickly your child can do something that you assumed wouldn’t happen until they are older.

Doing it myself

If these questions are on your mind, know that it’s truly never too early. Talk to your children and choose appropriate challenges and expectations. You may find it eases some of your own stress and creates opportunities to learn alongside and bond with your child.